Sitting at Starbucks as I write. I am looking at the back of a woman’s body sipping a cup of Starbucks Coffee. She reminds me of my mother so much that tears start falling down my face.
Where is she now? I dreamed of her last night she was smiling from a multitude of people in a small shop. I gave her a hug. I feel as if my brain is trying to reconcile the sadness I have in my heart for not hugging her or seeing her for a whole year before she passed. In the past few years I wrote her a lot and told her how much i love her and that despite everything that did not work in the beginning between us i feel as if i can reach her soul now and she can reach mine. I told her I am sorry so many times in the previous years. I told her she is the best mom I could have asked for and despite all the hardship and not having much to provide I never felt more rich.
And now I wonder how can I replace that void. I did not feel well in the past days and every time that happens I miss her more. Sometimes I feel I am not alone and she is still here on this earth, somewhere in Romania just a small glimpse of delusion of my own thinking.
I turned my phone on and write to a friend in Romania. I tell him I am so grateful for all his help, for all his support through out my life. A person who was there the night my father died and who found my Mom in the apartment.
Have you ever felt you owe lifetimes to someone and that no matter what you do or say can never repay it back.
There are rocks in our lives, blood related or not. Opening our eyes as every one has someone who truly cares. I ask myself how was i so blessed , fortunate, lucky to have all the people i have in my life. They gave me wings, they pushed me forward, they lifted me from the ground and helped me stand. There is nothing like being there for someone when they need it, even without giving advice just being there.
All of these people, they know who they are so I want to express that I am very grateful towards every moment you shined your light when I was in darkness. I hope I can do the same for you one day.