It has been a long time since any normality entered my mind and my soul. I remember the day my friend said: “Cristina you should journal what you are going through ” I wish now that I listened to her back then.
I was driving yesterday from teaching yoga and I started singing in the car then I thought to myself “Cristina you are really happy”. After so long I felt happiness again. It was a different happiness, a very personal one. A happiness that flowered from within the depths of my being. I felt lost for so long.
After my husband found someone else I realized how easy we chain ourselves to our attachments. Wether is physical, object related or even an ideal. We chain ourselves and we drag our chains through life, keep adding and adding new chains. One day we do forget we have wings and we find ourselves buried, hopeless, lost and empty.
I could not tell you how many months I have suffered, I am also fully aware I am not special, I am not the only one. There are those up there that can relate.
Separation tears the fabric of our love and trust. Separation from our partners and from a a parent will start a process of resetting.
To that one day when your phone rings and every piece of reality shatters to pieces I owe who I am today. I felt as if I was not there in my own body. I lost my mom during the process of loosing my husband and I felt as if a reset button was pressed and I could not find myself.
How many of us have loved and lost? How different do we suffer?
Here I am today still standing, for those around me made me stronger as I will forever be grateful.
I dedicate this blog to the one who stands by me. To the one who made me understand my own love language and gave me permission to love, to express myself and to ask for what i want in return. To the one who communicates effectively and teaches me the ability to communicate properly. I don’t mean talk. I mean communicate. What we often fail to realize is that we talk at each other rather than listening and hearing and trying to understand. Anyone can talk, but not everyone can communicate.
To the one who makes me feel important, loved and protected.
I learned a lot from so many but I have learned what a true partner in a relationship is only since I met you. I learned to let go of fear, resentment and expectations.
I learned that Broken Love and Loss are the seeds for new Love.
I hope you ” have enough courage to trust Love one more time and always one more time.” MAYA ANGELOU
Happy Anniversary to us!
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